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What is Secure Attachment 和 Bonding?

而与婴儿形成安全的依恋关系是最容易的, it can be formed at any age—和 can ensure your child has the best possible start in life.


What is the attachment 债券 和 why is it so important?

依恋纽带是你和婴儿之间通过无言的交流而形成的情感联系, their parent or primary caretaker. 一个具有里程碑意义的报告, published in 2000 by The Committee on Integrating the Science of Early Childhood Development, 确定了依恋关系对孩子的发展有多重要. 这种交流方式会影响孩子的心理发展, 身体上的, 智力, 在情感上, 和社会. 事实上, 这种关系的强度是你的孩子在学校和生活中表现如何的主要预测因素.

The attachment 债券 is not founded on the quality of your care or parental 爱, 但是在你和孩子的非语言情感交流中. While attachment occurs naturally as you, 父母或看护人, 照顾宝宝的需求, the quality of the attachment 债券 varies.

  • A 安全 attachment 债券 ensures that your child will 感觉 安全, understood, 和平静 enough to experience optimal development of his or her nervous system. 你孩子正在发育的大脑会自我组织,为你的孩子提供最好的生活基础:一种安全感,它会导致渴望学习, 健康的自我意识, 信任, 和共鸣.
  • An 不安全的 依恋关系无法满足孩子对安全的需求, 理解, 和平静, preventing the child’s developing brain from organizing itself in the best ways. 这可以抑制情绪, 精神, 和 even physical development, leading to difficulties in learning 和 forming relationships in later life.

How 安全附件 is created

Developing a 安全附件 债券 你和你的孩子之间, 和 giving your child the best start in life, does not require you to be a perfect parent. 事实上, 2000年的研究发现,儿童主要看护人关系的关键方面并不是基于看护的质量, 教育投入, 甚至是父母和婴儿之间发展起来的爱的纽带. 而, 它是基于你和孩子之间的非语言交流的质量.

[Watch: Creating Secure Infant Attachment]

当你的孩子还是婴儿时,建立一种安全的依恋关系是最容易的——依赖非语言的交流方式——你可以开始让你的孩子在任何年龄都感到被理解和安全. 孩子们’s brains continue maturing well into adulthood (until their mid-20s). 此外, because the brain continues to change throughout life, it’s never too late to start engaging in a nonverbal 情感 exchange with your child. 事实上,发展你的 非语言沟通 skills 能帮助改善和加深你与其他任何年龄的人的关系吗.

The attachment 债券 differs from the 债券 of 爱

As a parent or primary caretaker for your infant, 你可以遵循所有传统的育儿指南, 提供溺爱孩子的, around-the-clock care for your baby, 和 yet still not achieve a 安全附件 债券. You can tend to your child’s every physical need, provide the most comfortable home, the highest quality nourishment, 最好的教育, 和 all the material goods a child could wish for. 你可以保存, 拥抱, 宠爱你的孩子,而不要创造那种能促进孩子最佳发展的依恋关系. 这怎么可能? Importantly, creating a 安全附件 债券 differs from creating a 债券 of 爱.

为了让他们的大脑和神经系统以最好的方式发展,孩子们需要的不仅仅是爱和照顾. 孩子们需要能够与他们的主要监护人进行非语言的情感交流,以一种沟通他们的需求并让他们感到被理解的方式, 安全, 和平衡. 孩子们 who 感觉 在情感上 disconnected from their primary caregiver are likely to 感觉 困惑, 被误解的, 和不安全, no matter how much they’re 爱d.

Refers to your sense of connection to your child. It begins before birth 和 usually develops very quickly in the weeks after baby is born.指的是你的孩子与你的情感联系,这种联系从出生时就开始了,并在一生中不断发展.
是面向任务的. You attend to your child’s needs, whether it’s changing diapers 和 feeding them, or taking them to soccer practice 和 the movies.专注于你和孩子之间发生的事情. 例如, 你的孩子的非语言暗示告诉你他们感到不高兴,你表示理解并以一个拥抱作为回应.
在照顾孩子的时候,你要保持正常的成人步伐. 例如, you hurry to feed your child dinner so you have time to watch your favorite TV show, or cut short playing a game to answer a text.你跟随孩子缓慢的步伐,花时间去理解和回应他们交流的非语言暗示, 例如, “我不着急, I’m having fun just hanging out with you.”
You as 父 initiate interaction with your child. 例如, 你想给你的宝宝拍一张可爱的照片,所以你开始了玩耍时间, or you make your teen his favorite meal so he’ll tell you how things are going at school.你的孩子开始和结束你们之间的互动. You pick up on your baby’s nonverbal cues that they need to 休息, so you postpone taking a photo. Or your teen’s cues tell you now is not a good time to talk so you postpone your questions.
你专注于未来的目标, 例如, trying to do everything you can to have the smartest, 健康的孩子.你停留在“当下”.” You listen, talk, or play with your child, giving them your full attention without distractions.


这句话 债券 or 成键 通常被用来描述照顾和情感交换形成的依恋过程吗, 尽管他们和你的孩子之间的联系方式是非常不同的.

  • One is a connection based on the care a parent provides for their infant child, 而另一种则是基于父母和孩子之间的非语言情感交流的质量.
  • 这两种类型的亲子互动可以同时发生. 而喂养, 洗澡, or otherwise 有爱心的 for your child, 你也可以通过识别和回应孩子的非语言暗示来建立情感联系.
  • 在专家们了解婴儿大脑在生命最初几个月和几年里发生的根本变化之前, 照顾过程和依恋过程看起来都很相似. 现在, 虽然, 他们能够识别并煞费苦心地记录婴儿的非语言反应,以突出婴儿的依恋过程.

Develop精神 milestones related to 安全附件

By 理解 the develop精神 milestones related to 安全附件, you can spot symptoms of in安全附件 和 take steps to immediately repair them. If your child misses repeated milestones, it’s crucial to consult with your pediatrician or child development specialist.

Between birth 和 three months, your baby should…

  • 跟随和反应明亮的颜色,运动,和物体.
  • 转向声音.
  • Show 感兴趣 in watching people’s faces.
  • 当你微笑时也报以微笑.

Between three 和 six months, your baby should…

  • Show joy when interacting with you.
  • Make sounds, like cooing, babbling, or crying to show they’re happy or unhappy.
  • 在游戏时间多微笑.

Between four 和 10 months, your baby should…

  • Use facial expressions 和 sounds when interacting, like smiling, giggling, or babbling.
  • Have playful exchanges with you.
  • Alternate back 和 forth with gestures (giving 和 taking), sounds, 和 smiles.

Between 10 和 18 months, your baby…

  • Play games with you, like peek-a-boo or patty cake.
  • 使用听起来像 妈,巴,娜,达, ga.
  • 用不同的手势(有时一个接一个)来表示需要,比如给予、指指或挥手.
  • Recognize his or her name when called.

Between 18 和 20 months, your baby should…

  • Know 和 underst和 at least 10 words.
  • 在单词中使用至少四个辅音字母,比如 B d m n p t.
  • Use words, gestures 和 signals to communicate needs, like pointing at something.
  • 享受简单的假装游戏,比如拥抱或喂养洋娃娃或填充动物.
  • Demonstrate familiarity with people or body parts by pointing or looking at them when named.

At 24 Months, your baby should…

  • Know 和 underst和 at least 50 words.
  • Use two or more words together to say something, like “want milk,” or “more crackers.”
  • Show more complex pretend play, 比如喂饱毛绒玩具,然后把它放进婴儿车里.
  • Show 感兴趣 in playing with other children by giving objects or toys to others.
  • Respond to questions about familiar people or objects not present by looking for them.

At 36 Months, your baby should…

  • Put 虽然ts 和 actions together, 像“困, 想要毛毯,” or “hungry for yogurt” 和 going to the refrigerator.
  • 享受与孩子们玩耍和与其他孩子交谈.
  • Talk about 感觉ings, emotions 和 感兴趣s, 和 show knowledge about time (past 和 future).
  • 回答“谁”、“什么”、“何时”和“在哪里”这样的问题,不要太麻烦.
  • Pretend to play different characters—either by dressing up 和 acting or with toy figures or dolls.

Obstacles to creating a 安全附件 债券

Obstacles to creating a 安全附件 may first appear when your child is an infant. You may deeply 爱 your baby, yet be ill-equipped to meet the needs of your infant’s immature nervous system. Since infants cannot 平静 和 安抚 themselves, they rely on you to do so for them. 然而, if you’re unable to manage your own stress, 在面对日常生活的压力时,快速恢复平静和专注, you’ll be unable to 平静 和 安抚 your baby.


Even an older child will look to you, 父, as a source of 安全 和 connection 和, 最终, 安全附件. If, 然而, 你经常抑郁, 焦虑, 愤怒的, 悲伤, 不吭, 或者因为其他原因无法平静地面对你的孩子, 他们的身体, 情感, 和/or intellectual development may suffer.

The new field of infant 精神 health, 它强调大脑研究和父母的发展作用, provides a clearer 理解 of factors that may compromise the 安全附件 债券. 如果主要看护人或孩子有健康问题, 他们之间的非语言交流可能会受到影响, which in turn can affect the 安全附件 债券.



  • When a baby experiences difficulty in the womb or in the birth process—during a cesarean birth, 例如—their nervous system may be compromised.
  • 被收养的婴儿或那些在医院新生儿病房度过的时间远离父母的婴儿可能有早期生活经历,让他们感到压力, 困惑, 和不安全.
  • 总是哭个不停的婴儿——他们的眼睛总是紧闭着, 双拳紧握, 身体僵硬——即使是一个高度协调的看护者,也可能难以感受到抚慰的暗示.

幸运的是, 因为婴儿的大脑是如此的不发达和受经验的影响, a child can overcome any difficulties at birth. 这可能需要几个月的时间, but if the primary caretaker remains 平静, 集中, 理解, 和持续的, a baby will eventually relax enough for the 安全附件 process to occur.


A child’s experience 和 environment can affect their ability to form a 安全附件 债券. Sometimes the circumstances that affect the 安全附件 债券 are unavoidable, 但孩子太小,不明白发生了什么以及为什么. 对一个孩子来说, 就好像没有人关心他们,他们失去了对他人的信任,世界变成了一个不安全的地方.

  • A child gets attention only by acting out or displaying other extreme behaviors.
  • 有时孩子的需求得到满足,有时却得不到. The child never knows what to expect.
  • 儿童住院或与父母分离.
  • 孩子从一个看护人转移到另一个看护人(可能是收养的结果), 寄养, 或者失去父母).
  • A child is mistreated or abused.


作为一个主要的看护者,你的感受会影响孩子大脑的发育过程. 如果你压力过大, 抑郁, 创伤, or unavailable for whatever reason, 你可能没有足够的意识和敏感度来为你的孩子提供安全依恋所需要的积极情绪.

有时甚至是健康的, 有爱心的, 负责任的看护人可能难以理解和启动与孩子之间的安全依恋关系. If, 作为一个孩子, you didn’t experience a 安全附件 债券 with your own primary caregiver, 您可能不知道安全附件的外观或感觉. But adults can change for the better, too. 就像你可以通过锻炼和健康饮食来增强自己一样, you can also learn to manage overwhelming stress 和 处理情绪 这可能会影响你建立安全依恋关系的能力.

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手机, 电脑, TV, 此外,日常生活中无数其他的干扰因素也会使你无法充分关注孩子. Responding to an urgent email during meal time, texting a friend during play time, 或者只是和你的孩子在电视机前走神,这些都是父母错过与孩子进行眼神交流和参与安全依恋过程的机会. Without eye contact 和 your full attention, you’ll miss your child’s nonverbal cues.


你不必成为一个完美的父母来和你的孩子建立一个安全的依恋关系——没有人能够一天24小时都全身心地关注孩子. Because the brain is capable of changing, 修复总是可能的,甚至可能加强安全的依恋纽带.

If you notice there’s a disconnect between you, when you’ve missed or misinterpreted your child’s cues, 并试图通过不断了解孩子的需求来修复它, the 安全附件 process will stay on track. The effort involved in repair can even deepen 信任, 增加弹性, 和 build a stronger relationship.

Nonverbal communication tips for 安全附件

非语言信号是通过某种音调传达的感觉信号, 触摸, 或面部表情. 孩子的主要监护人将所有这些独特的品质结合在一起,创造出一种认同感, 安全, 给孩子安慰. Even when a child is old enough to talk, 非语言沟通 仍然是构建和维护安全附件的关键.


眼神交流 -你深情地看着你的孩子,他们会注意到这种非语言信号所传达的积极情绪,从而感到安全, 放松, 和快乐. 如果你情绪低落, 强调, 或分心, you may not look directly into your child’s eyes at all. 保持眼神交流在保持你和孩子之间的交流中也起着重要的作用.

面部表情 -不用你说一句话,你的脸就能表达无数的情绪. 当你和孩子交流时,如果你的表情是平静和专注的,他们会感到安全. But if your face looks di强调, 愤怒的, 担心, 悲伤的, 可怕的, 或分心, 你的孩子会注意到这些负面情绪,感到有压力, 不安全的, 和不确定.

的语气 -即使你的孩子太小,不能理解你所说的话, 他们能理解严厉的语气之间的区别, 冷漠或关注, 和 a tone that conveys 温柔的ness, 感兴趣, 关注, 和理解. When talking to older children, make sure that the tone you use matches what you’re saying.

触摸 – The way you 触摸 your child conveys your 情感 state—whether you’re attentive, 平静, 温柔的, 放松, 或者是无私的, 心烦意乱, 和不可用. 你洗衣服的方式, 电梯, 或者抱着你的孩子,或者给你大一点的孩子一个温暖的拥抱, 轻轻的抚摸手臂, 或者是在你的孩子背上安慰地拍一下,都可以向他传达很多情感.

肢体语言 – The way you sit, move, 和 carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to your child. 和你的孩子说话时,双臂交叉,头向后仰,他们会认为你是在防御,对他们不感兴趣. 但是坐着放松, 开放的姿态, leaning towards your child 和 they will 感觉 what they’re saying matters to you.

[Read: Nonverbal 沟通 和 Body Language]

Pacing, 时机, 和 intensity ——节奏, 时机, 还有你演讲的强度, 运动, 和 facial expressions can reflect your state of mind. 如果你保持成人的步调, or are 强调 or otherwise inattentive, your nonverbal actions will do little to 平静, 安抚, 或者安抚你的孩子. 你需要了解孩子对节奏和强度的偏好, which are often slower 和 less forceful than your own.

Creating a 安全附件 债券

As there are many reasons why a loving, conscientious parent may not be successful at creating a 安全附件 债券, 365真人App创建了两个独特的资源来帮助这个过程:

1. Underst和 what the attachment 债券 looks like

这是由婴儿心理健康这一新领域的领导们告知的 365真人App视频 从婴儿和父母的角度展示了什么是安全的依恋关系.

另外, 这个视频解释了为什么慈爱的父母可能无法建立一种安全的依恋关系,或者为什么婴儿可能无法参与创造这种关系的双向情感交流.

2. Learn how to build a strong attachment relationship

安全依恋是你和宝宝之间的一种持续的伙伴关系, but it doesn’t mean you have to be the perfect parent. Building a Secure Attachment Bond with Your Baby can help you underst和 your baby’s cries, 解释他们的信号, 和 respond to your baby’s needs for food, 休息, 爱, 和安慰.



与你的宝宝建立联系 -为什么亲密关系很重要,你的宝宝如何互动,以及获得支持的方式. (儿童健康)资料

Attachment: The First Core Strength – What you can do to promote 安全附件. (学术.com)

与你的宝宝建立联系 – One sheet about 成键 和 attachment with a good list of suggestions for new mothers. (儿童福利部门)

发展的里程碑 -一份关于感情发展里程碑的详细清单. (CDC)

沟通 和 your newborn -学习新生儿如何交流,如果你怀疑有问题该怎么做. (儿童健康)资料