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communication

Effective Communication

Want to communicate better? 这些提示将帮助你避免误解,把握好 真正的 传达的内容的意义,并极大地改善你的工作和个人关系.

女人在和她面对的男人交流

What is effective communication?

Effective communication is about more than just exchanging information. 这是 about underst和ing the emotion 和 intentions behind the information. 也能清楚地传达信息, 你也需要以一种获得所说的全部意义的方式倾听,让对方感到被倾听和理解.

Effective communication 声音s like it should be instinctive. But all 太 often, when we try to communicate with others something goes astray. We say one thing, 另一个人听到了其他的声音, 和 misunderst和ings, frustration, 和 conflicts ensue. This can cause problems in your home, school, 和 work relationships.

对于365真人中的许多人来说,更清晰有效的沟通需要学习一些重要的技能. Whether you’re trying to improve communication with your spouse, 孩子们, 老板, or coworkers, 学习这些技能可以加深你与他人的联系, build greater trust 和 respect, 和 improve teamwork, problem solving, 以及你的整体社交和情感健康.

是什么阻碍了你有效的沟通?

妨碍有效沟通的常见障碍包括:

Stress 和 out-of-control emotion. 当 you’re stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, 你更有可能误解别人, 发送令人困惑或讨厌的非语言信号, 并陷入不健康的下意识行为模式. 避免冲突和误解, you can learn how to quickly calm down before continuing a conversation.

Lack of focus. 当你同时处理多个任务时,你无法有效地沟通. If you’re checking your phone, 计划你接下来要说什么, or daydreaming, you’re almost certain to miss nonverbal cues in the conversation. To communicate effectively, you need to avoid distractions 和 stay focused.

Inconsistent body language. Nonverbal communication should reinforce what is being said, not contradict it. If you say one thing, 但你的肢体语言表达了别的意思, 你的听众可能会觉得你不诚实. 例如,你不能一边说“是”一边摇头.

[阅读:非语言交际和肢体语言]

Negative body language. 如果你不同意或不喜欢别人说的话, you might use negative body language to rebuff the other person’s message, such as crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don’t have to agree with, or even like what’s being said, but to communicate effectively 和 not put the other person on the defensive, 重要的是要避免发出负面信号.

有效的沟通技巧1:成为一个专注的倾听者

当 communicating with others, we often focus on what we should say. However, effective communication is less about talking 和 more about 听ing. 好的倾听不仅仅意味着理解所交流的单词或信息, but also underst和ing the emotions the speaker is trying to convey.

There’s a big difference between engaged 听ing 和 simply hearing. 当你真正倾听时,当你全神贯注于对方所说的话时,你会听到对方声音中微妙的语调,它告诉你对方的感受和他们试图交流的情感. 当 you’re an engaged 听er, 这不仅能让你更好地理解对方, 你也会让对方感到被倾听和理解, which can help build a stronger, deeper connection between you.

By communicating in this way, you’ll also experience a process that lowers stress 并支持身体和情感健康. 如果和你说话的人很冷静, for example, 用心倾听会让你平静下来, 太. Similarly, if the person is agitated, 你可以通过认真倾听,让对方感到被理解来帮助他们平静下来.

If your goal is to fully underst和 和 connect with the other person, 投入地倾听通常是很自然的. If it doesn’t, try the following tips. The more you practice them, the more satisfying 和 rewarding your interactions with others will become.

Tips for becoming an engaged 听er

Focus fully on the speaker. 你不可能全神贯注地听,如果你 constantly checking your phone or thinking about something else. 你需要专注于当下的体验,以便捕捉对话中的细微差别和重要的非语言暗示. 如果你发现有些演讲者很难集中注意力, 试着在你的脑海里重复他们的话,这会强化他们的信息,帮助你集中注意力.

Favor your right ear. As strange as it 声音s, 左脑包含了语言理解和情感的主要处理中心. Since the left side of the brain is connected to the right side of the body, 用右耳听可以帮助你更好地察觉别人说话中情感上的细微差别.

Avoid interrupting or trying to redirect the conversation to your concerns. 比如,“如果你觉得这很糟糕,那我告诉你我发生了什么.” Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. 如果你正在构思接下来要说的话,你就无法集中精力听别人说什么. 通常,说话的人能读懂你的面部表情,知道你在想别的事.

表现出你对谈话内容的兴趣. 偶尔点头,对对方微笑,并确保你的姿势是开放和诱人的. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like “yes” or “uh huh.”

Try to set aside judgment. 为了有效地与某人沟通, 你不需要喜欢他们或同意他们的想法, 值, or opinions. However, 你确实需要把你的判断放在一边,保留责备和批评,以便完全理解它们. The most difficult communication, when successfully executed, 能经常和某人产生不太可能的联系吗.

[阅读:提高情商]

Provide feedback. If there seems to be a disconnect, reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “我听到的是,”或“听起来像你在说,”是很好的反映方式. 不要简单地逐字逐句地重复说话人所说的话, 尽管你听起来不真诚或不聪明. 相反,要表达说话人的话对你的意义. 通过提问来阐明某些观点:“你说……是什么意思”或者“你是这个意思吗??”

Hear the emotion behind the words

这是 the higher frequencies of human speech that impart emotion. 通过锻炼中耳(身体上最小的部位)的微小肌肉,你可以对这些频率更加敏感,从而更好地理解别人真正在说什么。. You can do this by singing, playing a wind instrument, 或者听某些类型的高频率音乐(莫扎特交响曲或小提琴协奏曲), for example, rather than low-frequency rock, 流行, or hip-hop).

技巧二:注意非语言信号

The way you look, 听, 移动, 对另一个人的反应能告诉他们你的感受,这比单独的语言能告诉他们的更多. Nonverbal communication, or body language, includes facial expressions, body 移动ment 和 gestures, eye contact, posture, the tone of your voice, 甚至你的肌肉紧张和呼吸.

培养理解和使用非语言沟通的能力可以帮助你与他人沟通, express what you 真正的ly mean, navigate challenging situations, 在家庭和工作中建立更好的关系.

  • You can enhance effective communication by using open body language—arms uncrossed, st和ing with an open stance or sitting on the edge of your seat, 和 maintaining eye contact with the person you’re talking to.
  • 你也可以用肢体语言来强调或加强你的口头信息——在称赞朋友的成功时拍拍他的背, for example, 或者用拳头来强调你要传达的信息.

Improve how you  nonverbal communication

Be aware of individual differences. 来自不同国家和文化背景的人使用不同的非语言交际手势, so it’s important to take age, culture, religion, gender, 和 emotional state into account when 读ing body language signals. An American teen, a grieving widow, 和 an Asian businessman, for example, 非语言信号的使用是否可能有所不同.

把非语言沟通信号作为一个整体来看待. 不要对一个手势或非语言暗示做过多的解读. 考虑你收到的所有非语言信号, 从眼神交流到声音语调再到肢体语言. 任何人都可能偶尔失言,失去眼神交流, for example, 或者无意中短暂地交叉双臂. Consider the signals as a whole to get a better “读” on a person.

Improve how you deliver nonverbal communication

使用与你的语言相符的非语言信号 rather than contradict them. If you say one thing, 但你的肢体语言表达了别的意思, your 听er will feel confused or suspect that you’re being dishonest. For example, 双臂交叉坐着,摇着头并不能告诉对方你同意他们所说的话.

根据语境调整你的非语言信号. The tone of your voice, for example, 当你对一个孩子和一群成年人讲话时应该有所不同吗. Similarly, 考虑与你交往的人的情绪状态和文化背景.

Avoid negative body language. Instead, 使用肢体语言来传达积极的情绪, 即使你并没有真正体验到它们. 如果你对工作面试感到紧张, important presentation, or first date, for example—you can use positive body language to signal confidence, even though you’re not feeling it. 而不是暂时低着头进入一个房间, eyes averted, 和 sliding into a chair, 试着挺直腰板, smiling 和 maintaining eye contact, 和 delivering a firm h和shake. It will make you feel more self-confident 和 help to put the other person at ease.

Skill 3: Keep stress in check

How many times have you felt stressed during a disagreement with your spouse, 孩子们, 老板, friends, or coworkers 和 then said or done something you later regretted? If you can quickly relieve stress 和 return to a calm state, you’ll not only avoid such regrets, but in many cases you’ll also help to calm the other person as well. 这是 only when you’re in a calm, 放松的状态,这样你就能知道情况是否需要回应, or whether the other person’s signals indicate it would be better to remain silent.

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In situations such as a job interview, business presentation, high-pressure meeting, 或者介绍给你爱的人的家人, for example, 控制自己的情绪很重要, think on your feet, 和 effectively communicate under pressure.

在压力下保持冷静,有效沟通
Use stalling tactics to give yourself time to think. 在你回答之前,要求对方重复你的问题或澄清你的陈述.
Pause to collect your thoughts. 沉默不一定是件坏事——停顿会让你看起来比匆忙回答更有控制欲.
Make one point 并提供一个例子或支持信息. If your response is 太 long or you waffle about a number of points, 你冒着失去听众兴趣的风险. 用一个例子来说明你的观点,然后根据听众的反应来判断你是否应该提出第二个观点.
Deliver your words clearly. In many cases, how you say something can be as important as what you say. 说话清晰,语调平稳,眼神交流. 保持你的肢体语言放松和开放.
Wrap up with a summary 和 then stop. 总结你的回答,然后停止说话,即使这会让房间里一片寂静. 你不需要继续说话来填补沉默.

快速缓解压力,有效沟通

当谈话开始变得激烈时,你需要一些东西 quick 和 immediate 来降低情绪的强度. 通过学习在当下快速减轻压力, you can safely take stock of any strong emotions you’re experiencing, regulate your feelings, 和 behave appropriately.

当你感到有压力的时候要意识到. Your body will let you know if you’re stressed as you communicate. Are your muscles or stomach tight? Are your h和s clenched? Is your breath shallow? Are you “forgetting” to breathe?

Take a moment to calm down 在决定继续谈话或推迟谈话之前.

Bring your senses to the rescue. The best way to rapidly 和 reliably relieve stress is through the senses—sight, 声音, 触摸, 味道, smell—or 移动ment. For example, 你可以在嘴里放一颗薄荷糖, squeeze a stress ball in your pocket, take a few deep breaths, clench 和 relax your muscles, or simply recall a soothing, sensory-rich image. 每个人对感官输入的反应都不同, so you need to find a coping mechanism that is soothing to you.

[Read: Quick Stress Relief]

Look for humor in the situation. 当 used appropriately, 在交流时,幽默是缓解压力的好方法. 当 you or those around you start taking things 太 seriously, find a way to lighten the mood by sharing a joke or an amusing story.

Be willing to compromise. Sometimes, if you can both bend a little, 你可以找到一个快乐的中间地带,为所有相关的人减轻压力. If you 真正的ize that the other person cares much more about an issue than you do, 妥协对你来说可能更容易,对未来的关系也是一项很好的投资.

Agree to disagree, if necessary, 和 take time away from the situation so everyone can calm down. Go for a stroll outside if possible, or spend a few minutes meditating. 身体运动或找一个安静的地方来恢复你的平衡可以快速减少压力.

Skill 4: Assert yourself

直接, 自信的表达有助于清晰的沟通,有助于提升你的自尊和决策能力. 自信意味着表达你的想法, feelings, 和 needs in an open 和 honest way, 坚持自己的立场,尊重他人. 它并不意味着充满敌意、咄咄逼人或要求苛刻. Effective communication is always about underst和ing the other person, not about winning an argument or forcing your opinions on others.

To improve your assertiveness:
Value yourself 和 your options. 他们和其他人的一样重要.
Know your needs 和 wants. Learn to express them without infringing on the rights of others
Express negative thoughts in a positive way. 这是 okay to be angry,但你也必须保持尊重.
Receive feedback positively. 接受 compliments graciously, learn from your mistakes, ask for help when needed.
Learn to say “no.” 知道自己的极限,不要让别人利用你. Look for alternatives so everyone feels good about the outcome.

培养自信的沟通技巧

Empathetic assertion 向对方传达敏感. 首先,承认对方的处境或感受,然后陈述你的需求或观点. “I know you’ve been very busy at work, but I want you to make time for us as well.”

Escalating assertion 当你的第一次尝试不成功时,你还能被聘用吗. 随着时间的推移,你变得越来越坚定, which may include outlining consequences if your needs are not met. 例如,“如果你不遵守合同,我将被迫采取法律行动。.”

Practice assertiveness 在低风险的情况下帮助你建立信心. Or ask friends or family if you can practice assertiveness techniques on them first.

Last updated: October 2020

Get more help

有效沟通:提高你的社交技能 -更有效地沟通,提高你的对话技巧,变得更自信. (AnxietyCanada)

Core Listening Skills – How to be a better 听er. (SucceedSocially.com)

Effective Communication (PDF) -如何在小组中使用非语言沟通和积极倾听技巧进行沟通. (University of Maine)

Some Common Communication Mistakes – And how to avoid them. (SucceedSocially.com)